Answer: The bozo who has been jerking a friend of mine around over his ego-baby.  A 70-ish man approached my friend and asked her to design the cover for his book.  She said she’d be happy to give it a try with the qualifier that she didn’t know much about a doing a cover - cover design wasn't anything she'd done to date and design isn’t her primary profession. 

 

So my friend (we’ll just call her Jane) gets an email with rambling, disjointed instructions - it was more of a wish list than actual directions.  Jane and I live close together and our kids are involved in many of the same things.  So, she asked me for a mini-crash course in covers.

 

Feel free to skip 1-4 . . .

 

I’m backing up here - Generally speaking, there are four kinds of books (6 if you include University Presses and Electronic Publishing, but I’m skipping them):

 

1.     Major, mass-market publishing house - pays an advance against royalties and has nearly total control over the look of the book.  The packaging of the book is largely at the publisher’s discretion, though some publishers give the author more input than others.  When I write for Harlequin, we fill out an Art Fact Sheet for the art department, then they use that to create the cover.  OFTEN I see my cover for the first time when the book uploads on Amazon for pre-order.  Simon & Schuster is completely different - Pocket asked for and made some of the minor adjustments, though truth be told, I liked both covers and would have been happy either way.  The art department isn’t the only department with input either - often the sales reps are shown cover flats (just what it sounds like - a single sheet with the entire cover on that page) and if they don’t react favorably to the cover, adjustments are made.  I’m guessing Nora Roberts has more of a say in the design process but the other 99.9% of writers get whatever the publisher decides is the best packaging to make the book fly off the shelves.  And just as an FYI - more and more publishers are using clip art services and graphic designers and fewer and fewer covers are drawn and painted by artists. 

2.     Small press:  These publishing houses are more like boutiques so the editor and the author might work more closely on the packaging.  A small press will have a modest print-run and often limited distribution.  Small DOES NOT mean bad or poor quality.  A great example of this is Oceanview Publishing - http://www.oceanviewpub.com/ . They have an impressive list of national and regional award-winning books.  I happen to have met the publishers and while they don’t come close to the number of releases of the major publishers, they do an excellent job and have teamed up with Writer’s House for sale of subsidiary rights.  Not insignificantly - Bob Gussin, CEO and publisher is hands on and very involved in working in tandem with the author.  Go to their website and order one of their titles - I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.  These books are available at some of the larger stores; by special order at most bookstores; and on websites like Amazon and B&N.

3.     Royalty-paying press - These publishers normally give a nominal advance ($100.00 or less) and a commitment to provide marketing support (creating ARCs, placing ads, doing press releases, etc.).  These publishers generally spend $2,000.00 - $3,000.00 to buzz the book.  Commonly you’ll find a lot of non-fiction, niche-market titles but the books are in a limited number of stores but they are on Amazon and the royalty rate for the author can be as high as 60%.

4.     Vanity/Subsidiary Publishing:  Actually, I don’t think these books should stand under the umbrella of having been published but rather they are printed.  The author pays the costs to have their manuscript bound and printed in whatever format they want - hardcover, trade or mass market.  A smart person will also pay for a professional freelance editor but often this step is skipped because of the cost (roughly $0.13 per word).  Then there’s the hidden costs - buying an ISBN ($100.00); buying a bookseller return package (roughly $700.00) FYI - This allows you to buy a listing in Ingram’s database - Ingram’s is one of the largest book distributors; buying a Library of Congress catalog number ($150.00); creating a cover (you can do it yourself and/or there is software you can use and/or you can pay the vanity press to produce a cover - for a fee.  A graphic designer will charge either by the hour (around $125.00) or on a flat fee basis but again, be careful, the flat fee might cover the creation of a cover, revisions and changes can be à la carte and pricey; finally, the cost to print the book - that can vary from $300.00 to $10,000.00.  I know I wasn’t going to mention e-publishing but there are a lot of vanity press opportunities in electronic format but be careful - some of these are fly-by-night, grab your money and shut down the website.  Have them put you in touch with one of their authors but there’s still a chance it’s a scam.  It’s called vanity press for a reason - it’s an opportunity for a person to create something that looks like a book.  Sometimes this is the only avenue for a niche book.  Most of the time it’s just an ego stroke. 

 

So back to Jane . . . wanting to do a good job and not being familiar with publishing, she asked my advice in creating a cover for Mr. Ego.  Mr. Ego has written a narrative with recipes - or at least that’s what the description he wrote sounds like.  I had a feeling he was vanity pressing since he was paying for a cover - legit publishers don’t do that.  Hell, they usually won’t use author-supplied illustrations because they have an art department they pay to do this and they don’t want to run the risk of violating copyright, etc.  For sales and marketing purposes, legit publishers make packaging decisions based on things we mere mortals aren’t aware of - for example . . . maybe they’re already publishing a cookbook with a red cover.  Or, maybe the title is too close to an existing release.  Or, they gather all sorts of info - demographics, color trends,  - just a bunch of stuff. 

 

Since I’m not cookbook savvy, I emailed a person who is, shall we say, not a close friend.  She has publishing more than a dozen cookbooks as well as a ton of fiction.  She spent a great deal of time explaining the buyer expectations of the cookbook consumer.  I passed the info as well as some standard stuff - what goes on the spine, the 10 and 13-digit ISBNs, etc.  And a suggestion that Mr. Ego do what I did - I went on Amazon and pulled up the top 25 cookbooks. 

 

Mr. Ego had a fit.  He wants his image plastered on the cover.  Cookbook author and a quickie search of Amazon makes it clear that ‘celebrity’ cookbooks have the author’s photo on the front but most of the others rely on a glossy photo of one or more dishes.  Not only did Mr. Ego take a personal pot shot at me, he was pretty snotty to Jane.  If someone talked to me like that, I’d tell them where they could stick their whisk.  His wife is his editor (hopefully she has the skills since Mr. Ego is under the impression that subtitle is two words) and the premise of his book is, well, not a recipe for success.  He started spewing all a bunch of cookbooks with the author on the cover - every last one of them was a ‘name’ whose image would be a huge selling point. 

 

I think he should call the book “All About Me.”  I’ve never seen back cover copy with so many ‘I, my, mine, me’ sentences.  I hope he has a large family willing to buy copies of his ‘book.’  I really don’t care.  I only get invested in the success of my BFFs' books and keep my fingers crossed when I have something on the shelves.

 

But the snarky part of me hopes that Mr. Ego gets exactly what he wants, and when that happens, I think he might regret putting his gianormous ego before the advice of an award-winning cookbook author.  Ignoring my general comments is all well and good but ignoring the advice of a successful writer in the genre he wants to be a part of is just flat out stupid.

 

It also happens a lot.  A billion years ago when I started seriously writing with an eye toward publication, I was a sponge.  I devoured information shared by successful authors who were gracious enough to donate their time.  I don’t think I understood it then, but now I know that when an author is speaking, he/she is taking time away from his/her work.  It never would have dawned on me to cop an attitude with a published author.  Yes, I think it’s important to be your own advocate but the reality in publishing is you have to learn to listen to criticism and - if it comes from your editor - make changes even if you don’t agree with them.  You have to dig deep and try to find  way to make the change in a way that will satisfy you and your editor.  In the 15+ years since I sold my first book, I’ve learned to pick my battles and check my ego at the door.  Often the revisions I hate doing turn into some of the best parts of the book.

 

So while Mr. Ego stands on the side of the road selling his ego-pressed product, I’ll be sitting in air-conditioned comfort.  The fact that he has to get up every day and be him is punishment enough.

 

Yes,  Florida has Disney World, The Space Center,  Busch Gardens,  great beaches and mostly great weather (those occasional pesky hurricanes are worth a demerit).  But we’re also known as Florida, Land of Snow Birds, Canada South, The Place Where New Yorkers Come to Die, and my personal fave - God’s Waiting Room.  Put another way . . . we’ve got a lot of elderly people here.

 

I’m not anti-elderly - my hubby is, shall we say, eligible for all the senior discounts out there.  And because I feel the need - he’s 20 years older than I am.  Ironically, my hubby is a native New Yorker so he was all for moving to Florida.  I love the beach, I love the weather (most of the time) and it’s a great place to raise a kid.

 

It’s a horrible place to drive in.  The worst time is November through the end of April when our population swells with retirees driving their motor homes pulling their cars behind them.  Full-timers like me joke about the Canadian license plate - Je Me Souviens is Canadian for “I’m going to make right turn from the left lane without looking or using my turn signal.”  The actual translation is  “I believe.”  Apropos since I do believe they will run me down.

 

Yesterday I had a run-in with a Believer.  Very white bread accident.  She was fumbling with her cell phone and rear-ended me at a traffic light.  Suggestion #1 - If you were gathered in the living room with your own children on December 7, 1941 listening to FDR proclaim it ,”A date which will live in infamy.”  You shouldn’t be driving and you sure as hell shouldn’t multi-task on a cell phone.  Now, I have a metal SUV and she had a plastic, white sedan - want to guess who won?  Truth be told, I was more concerned about her being injured as I jumped out of my car.  (She didn’t know how to turn on her hazard lights as we blocked one of the turn lanes on a fairly congested intersection.)  After making sure she as okay, we did the whole insurance thing, retold the story to the officials who arrived on the scene (The first thing out of her mouth was “It was my fault.”).  Then I had to go home and call insurance companies.  I told them neither of us had been injured and that the damage to my car was minor but that I needed to take it to the dealership to have it put on a lift so they could check the under-carriage (SUV - high; Plastic car - low).  I’m not a mechanic so there was no way I was going to sign the release her insurer wanted to fax to me to close the matter.

 

I won’t bore you with the litany of details, but I have an IPG - and no, you shouldn’t know what that is.  It’s an implanted computer with small - human-hair sized wires that make my leg work.  As the day progressed, I noticed my IPG was weakening (it has a recharging system that I strap on).  I did a full charge and by 4 o’clock, IPG wasn’t working at all.  I said some choice words, then tried my Dr’s office - they were gone for the day.  Then I called crash dummy’s insurance company and told them that I MAY have an injury.  ‘May’ because I have a small device I can use to adjust the IPG.  They have much more sophisticated equipment and sometimes they can just reprogram the thing and slap it back into shape.  That will be my 9:00 call this AM.

 

Crash Dummy’s insurance company wasn’t very pleased.  I then explained that for a brief time, I worked in a general practice law firm.  I’d seen my share of whiplash claims (soft tissue injuries that can neither be proved nor disproved) and I’d watched as people had miraculous recoveries as soon as the PIP ($2500.00 medical that every driver should have but some drop to save $40 on their insurance) benefits ran out.  I was completely upfront with the guy.  Like the car - I can’t tell him what’s wrong with the IPG until I see the doctor, the tech and have an x-ray to see if they can detect movement (not really helpful because even the smallest movement can screw the whole thing up.

 

The only thing I’m really pissed about is timing.  If something is wrong, surgical repair is the only option.  I’m going on a cruise next week and I can’t nor do I want to do it with staples from my thigh to my ankle.  I have a small window between cruise and Thrillerfest but that doesn’t mean the doctor or the tech will be available.

 

So, send me good thoughts.  When the IPG doesn’t work, every step I take feels like I’m stepping bare-footed on a lit cigarette.

 

 

 

NYT Best Seller Dianna Love

 

WHISPERED LIES (Pocket) May 12, 2009

PHANTOM IN THE NIGHT (Pocket mm release) May 19, 2009

Excerpts at www.AuthorDiannaLove.com

“All hell breaks loose in this over-the-top romantic thriller …. Da Vinci Code–derivative components tweaked with a bioterrorism twist add extra punch.” Publisher Weekly

 

Break Into Fiction®...The book is available ONLINE now - in stores June 18th (Adams Media)

www.BreakIntoFiction.com

 

5 for 5 Writer Extravaganza

For Writers…and Readers

One Week ONLY – plus it’s FREE! J

25 top authors from different genres share their thoughts on

Character, Plotting, Point of View, Conflict and Dialogue

June 8-12, 2009 (*Removed at end of day June 13^th)

www.BreakIntoFiction.com for all the details

 

Dance, Dance, Dance

 

 

5 for 5 Writer Extravaganza

For Writers…and Readers

One Week ONLY – plus it’s FREE! J

25 top authors from different genres share their thoughts on

Character, Plotting, Point of View, Conflict and Dialogue

June 8-12, 2009 (*Removed at end of day June 13^th)

www.BreakIntoFiction.com for all the details

Yes my friends - Mother’s Day should sparkle - at least for me.  And yes, I am that shallow.  In addition to handcrafted items and poorly written but charming poems, I want something special.  I probably need an intervention.  I’ve yet to meet a watch or a diamond I didn‘t love. 

 

It’s been 2 years since my last major purchase - like it?

  

I love this engagement ring and other than the fact that if I’m not careful I can put my eye out with it because it sits up so high, I like that it’s different.  The center stone is my third diamond.  My darling husband happens to be great at the concept of the upgrade.  My favorite diamond shopping moment came years ago when a sales lady was showing us a stone and I (stupidly) said, “It looks too big on my finger.” 

 

Sales Lady stiffened, reached out and patted my hand and said, “Honey, there is no such thing as a diamond that’s too big.”

 

I’ve adopted that as my motto.

 

So this year, my usually totally prepped hubby blew it and he’s off on a vacation - yes, we vacation apart when there’s a place or thing one of us wants to do but the other isn’t interested.  I didn’t want to watch people throw pots in Taos, NM.  I’ve been to the Grand Canyon and no offense intended - I’m a beach person, not big on the desert.  His trip is some sort of semi-organized circle through the western US.  He’s having a great time, calling me from hot air balloons, and hiking around Red Rock.  I’m glad he’s enjoying his trip.  He’d probably be enjoying it a lot more if he’d have remembered to take our daughter shopping for mommy before leaving town.

 

So last week Katie and I went to the mall and as we walked past jewelers, there in the window my daughter spied exceptional mommy bling.  FYI - I was so proud of her that she named pink sapphires correctly and she was only off .25 on the carat weight.  She was practically giddy as she yanked me into the store and insisted ‘we’ buy me the ring for Mother’s Day.  Who am I to argue with that kind of thinking?  So ta-da . . .

 

 

For all you Mom’s out there - celebrate yourself on Sunday!

 

 

Rhonda

 

 

Who knew?  Since this is spring break, my daughter is home and my hubby has been thinking of ways to keep her occupied while I write.  Yesterday was movie and dinner day.  As he is want to do, Bob grabbed the spare set of keys for my car (the only one allowed in the garage) and they headed out.  At least they tried to.

 

When he hit the button to open the garage door, it went up about 2 inches, then fell crashing down.  Realizing that the door is broken, Bob turned to the rd emergency string that’s supposed to unlock the door and allow us to manually open the door.  He yanked and the string broke.    So then Mr. Has-No-Man-Skills grabbed a screwdriver and tried to force the lever.  He ended up bending the metal.  So now the door is broken, the emergency thing is broken and he’s mangled the pulley system that raises and lowers the door.

 

So, I’m spending my morning waiting on the garage door repair people.  Hopefully at some point my car will be freed from home confinement.  But that will happen only after I pay the ransom to the garage repair folks.

 

Just once I’d like my husband to acknowledge that he has zero man skills, skip the half-assed attempts at fixing things, and go directly to the phone-a-professional stage.

 

Have a great day . . . R

 

After 6 years, art has finally made its way to my living room.  Yep, the huge void has finally been filled.  When we first moved in, I wanted this cool copper sculpture.  I called the artist and that ‘cool’ sculpture was $23,000.00.  Obviously, my taste exceeds my wallet.  Oh and did I mention I have zero vision?  I either have to see it in a magazine or hanging in a gallery before I can envision it in my home.  So . . . I went with a lighthouse thing.

 

 

I was feeling pretty good about myself.  I was kinda basking in the glory of my no longer naked wall, then I took a break and decided to check my email.  Bad idea.  Really bad.  The second email I opened was verbal lashing on my new Finley book, FAT CHANCE.  Now, I never expect to please the world, if I could, I’d be a really wealthy woman.  I’ve deleted the name and email to protect the privacy of the sender, but I must admit, I was taken quite off-guard by her hostility.  When I write my main goal is to entertain.  I’ll also admit that I have a kinda bizarre sense of humor - mainly because I’d rather laugh than cry.  2 seconds of background.  I have 49 cousins - can anyone say Catholic?  Because there are so many of us, we kinda run the gamut when it comes to illnesses.  We have cancer, diabetes, heart disease, dystrophy, Tourettes, missing limbs, mental illnesses - pretty much everything.  Name a disease and I can probably find you a relative who suffers.  Now, my Tourettes family member is fifteen years older than I am.  I adore him and when I was growing up; he noticed that when I am very, very stressed, my left eye twitches.  Still happens to this day.  I was at a family gathering during some pretty hairy contract negotiations and he teased me about having publishing Tourettes.  Okay, I thought that was funny and I twisted it a bit in my book.  Well, this person didn’t . . .

 

“Dear Rhonda,

 

I eagerly awaited the arrival of Fat Chance and instantly commenced reading it.

I must confess I was saddened to read your flippant comment on page 94 stating,

"I had homeowner's Tourette's." Clearly, you would never have issued such an insensitive

sentiment regarding cancer, Alzheimer's or AIDS. People do not elect to

suffer from Tourette's Syndrome. If people could choose, I assure you no one

would opt for this condition. Nonetheless, I think it is a cheap shot to ridicule

a condition over which individuals have no control in order to elicit a chuckle from your

readers.  You must truly be desperate for a laugh to stoop so low. I certainly will not

read your work again.”

 

I may have lost a reader (and the twenty people she’ll be sure to rag me to) but I stand by the belief that humor is curative.  By the way, I’m a cancer survivor - and yes, I make cancer jokes.  Yes, I had a cousin who died from AIDS and he kept his sense of humor until he died at age 19.  And yes, I have dystrophy and make jokes about it all the time.  And yes, I have a special needs child and because we didn’t make a ‘thing’ about it, she’s very comfortable and well adjusted and embraces her shortcomings as just one of the things that make her special.  Yes, my son died when he was 13.  I have even been known to make a reference to that, especially if someone asks me about child rearing. 

 

Do we take humor too far in my house?  Maybe for some. 

 

Still, I’d rather laugh than become mired in loss and sadness.  I did whip off a quick note to the woman but I’m pretty sure anyone willing to make the claims she made in her email without knowing anything about me won’t even consider looking at like through someone else’s eyes. 

 

Have a better Sunday than I’m having.

Rhonda

 

Sleuthfest (for those of you not familiar) is a regional conference hosted by Florida Mystery Writers.  It was great - as always - and hats off to all the volunteers who make it seem as if the event runs itself. 

 

I loved it because . . .

 

Being with my roomie, Amy J. Fetzer.  We’re the class of ’93 - our first books came out in that year and we’ve known one another for nearly 20 years.  Even though we chat on the phone and via email, nothing replaces changing into your jammies and chatting until the wee hours of the night.  We realized that when we started attending conferences we were in our early 30s so the stay up until three and set the alarm for six wasn’t a problem.  Low these 50 years later, that schedule is brutal.  I don’t know about Amy but I needed a pot of coffee just to make it to 10 AM without a nap.

 

The wonderful people you meet.  I had a fabulous - if too short - conversation with Jim Born.  What a wonderful man.  I had an opportunity to chat with Kris Montee (1/2 of the P.J. Parrish writing team).  And about six dozen other people I met for the first time or hadn’t seen in a while. 

 

I hit basket Mecca.  I cleaned-up on the raffle baskets - scoring three for the evening.  Now that may seem excessive but I’ve been putting $50.00 worth of tickets into the kitty for years and never won a thing.  I was due.

 

I had an opportunity to sit and chat with my agent.  Always great to have face time.

 

Maybe the best thing that comes out of Sleuthfest is the refueling.  I’m excited about being a writer.  Attending a great conference always revs you up and reminds you why you wanted to write in the first place.

 

Oh, and my editor made it even more special - FAT CHANCE isn’t due out until 3/24 so the distributors don’t have copies.  Bless her, she shipped some editorial copies to me overnight so I not only got to sign all the copies but people who’ve been waiting patiently for Finley’s next adventure had the opportunity to buy it at the conference. 

 

But for every great thing, there’s usually a counter-balance.  In my case, it’s conference rebound.  I used to take Friday off, attend a 3-day conference and have my happy butt back at my office on Monday morning.  The whirlwind pace of a conference is not for sissies.  I used to be able to handle it no problem.  Now it takes me a day to pack and 2 or 3 days to recover from lack of sleep.  This stuff was a lot easier when I was 30.

 

Which brings me to my final rambling . . . I almost fell over when I realized that I’d attended my first writer’s conference 20 years (and 40 pounds) ago.  I swear, I don’t think I’m about to be 50 unless I see my reflection in a store window.  I still feel like that person who attended that first conference.  It isn’t until the numbers start flying that I realize I have a few miles on me.  I’ve been writing for more than 25 years.  I’ve been published for 16 years.  My 40th book comes out this year.  Hell’s bells, no wonder I’m all draga$$ when I get home.  Even though I was silently crunching numbers during the conference and so not liking the math, I’m honored and humbled by the wonderful people in my life.

 

Have a Great Day!

R

 

I was appropriately spanked for neglecting my blog.  What can I say - I’ve been mired in health stuff, holidays and deadlines.  And I actually have posted in response to a few comments.  So yeah, I shouldn’t abandon this blog.  After all, I am paying for it.

 

So good news this week . . . my dear friend, Kate Carlisle (http://www.katecarlisle.com/) got word that her very first book, Homicide in Hardcover, hit #34 on the NYT List.  You go girl!!!!

 

It’s 4:05 AM and I should be packing for Sleuthfest but slowly sipping coffee seemed like a better option than hunting through my closet for conference clothes and shoes.  Confession - I loathe dressing up much beyond shorts and a T-shirt.  I usually make the morning car pool wearing a jacket over my pjs and fuzzy aloe socks on my feet - much to my daughter’s horror, I might add.

 

This is my year to fixate on numbers.  I hit 50 this year and I’m not going quietly or gracefully.  However, for some unknown reason, I’m more creeped out by the fact that my hubby is turning 70.  50 sucks but 70 sounds old.  I don’t think you can Botox your way out of 70.

 

So now I really do have to go culling through the girl clothes . . . I promise to try to do a better job DanaJ.

 

 

 

I’m new to the world to tutus.  Who knew they came in boxes that could hold a family of four with room to spare?  Apparently my cat did. 

 

Okay, I confess, my office is trashed - it’s at the ‘as soon as I finish the book I’ll clean this place up’ stage.  C’mon, admit it, I’m not the only one who tosses paper over their shoulders as they read through revisions.  But then the delivery arrived.  A 5 foot square box with reinforced edges to keep the very, very expensive tutu from being crushed.

 

I figured my office was the safest place.  No one is permitted to enter without my permission.  A rule the cat annoys.  I have about seven empty boxes in my office from books being delivered.  The cat likes visiting the boxes and it isn’t uncommon for me to come in and find her curled in an empty box.

 

So I’m working away on a proposal and I keep hearing the cat rustling around but I can’t find her.  Then I accidentally tripped over the tutu box and out she jumped.  I said a few choice words.  Okay a lot of choice words and immediately used the lint brush to get the cat hair off the costume and tutu, then scotch tapped the box closed. 

 

Was the cat deterred?  Hell no. She scratched (even though she’d declawed) her way back into the box and settled in for the night.  Now normally she gets a spray of water when she does something that requires behavior modification.  But given the price tag on the tutu, I wasn’t about to spray water anywhere near all that crushed beading and velvet and other fabrics I can’t name.

 

So, my next plan was to place magazines across the seam.  Since the cat doesn’t have an opposable thumb, I figured I was safe.  Boy was I wrong.  I rose the next morning to find her happily curled up, crushing one side of the tutu.

 

Enough.  I brought out the big guns.  I used packing tape and resealed the box, then took the same tape and made circles so that if she so much as stepped on the box she’d end up stuck like a roach.

 

Note to self - when cat wants freedom, she pulls and yanks.  She pulls and yanks hard enough to pull the packing tape off the seam.  Another idea down the drain.  So I gave up and took the tutu out of its protective, ‘Lay Flat’ box and just decided she could have at it.

 

And you guessed it, she hasn’t gone near the box since I removed the tutu.

 

Have a great weekend,

Rhonda

I’m weak.  My willpower is minus ten.  Six weeks ago I gave up caffeine.  You’re thinking no biggie, right? WRONG! I was up to two pots of coffee and 3 liters of Diet Coke a day.  Yes, you read that right - every day.  I went cold turkey and had the three day headache to prove it.  But, following the advice of the nutritionist, I bit the bullet and awakened to 42 caffeine free mornings.  They all sucked.  Worse, without the mother’s milk of french roast, I was nearly comatose by 4:30 every day.  I would occasionally stroke my DeLonghi coffee maker and tearfully glance at my favorite coffee mugs.  Today I caved.  Folded like a cheap suit.  I haven’t been this happy in weeks.  I’m allowing the taste to linger on my long-deprived tongue and loving every minute of it.  Guess I’ll have to lie to the ‘no caramel colored beverages’ nutritionist on Monday.  I’m okay with that.  Anything is better than caffeine free.

Barring a successful appeal, looks like OJ Simpson is finally going to jail.  I’m sure it’s no comfort for the families of his murder victims but there is something poetic about his robbery and kidnapping convictions coming 13 years to the day after his bogus acquittal for killing his ex wife and Ron Goldman.  I hope he gets the full sentence - life.  Grab your ankles OJ and enjoy the prison life you so richly deserve.

I can’t avoid commenting on Sarah Palin.  If you don’t like politics, stop reading now.  I love the political process here.  Okay, not so much on the ads.  It isn’t that I don’t like them per se, it’s that I don’t like them running every 5 minutes.  And I loathe negative ads.  Don’t tell me you don’t like your opponent, I got that when you ran against him.  Tell me what you’ll do, not what your counterpart didn’t do.  And then there’s Sarah Palin - the anti-woman.  I’ve spent the last 8 years cringing at our less-than-intelligent president.  He basically hung his hat on whining about his opponent being an academic elitist.  Guess what?  I want a smart person to serve as president.  So just a Bush is packing up to leave the White House, who do the Republicans toss out there?  John McCain and Sarah Palin.  John McCain deserves respect and kudos for his service in Vietnam and the terrible ordeal of being a POW.  But now he’s 72 and apparently feeble.  Who but a feeble person would pick Sarah Palin as a running mate?  Let’s review . . . McCain is a 4 time cancer survivor - a little Cheneyesque.  I wish him years of health but c’mon, he’s hardly a healthy guy.  And speaking of guy - in any other arena, a 72 year old cancer survivor would not be offered a new job, he’d be in HR filling out his mandatory retirement papers.  I’m sure he thought Sarah Palin would add youth to his campaign and drawn in women.  I’ll give him the youth part - she’s 44.  But draw in women?  Would that be because of her stellar grasp of foreign policy?  Opps, doesn’t have it.  Her sharp insights on global issues?  Opps, doesn’t have that.  Hell, she’s only had a passport for a year.  Maybe it’s her executive experience.  After all, she was Mayor of Wasilla, population 9,780.  Or maybe her stint as Governor of Alaska, population 3.1 million.  Hummm, that’s less than the population of New Orleans. 

Or maybe it’s her commitment to women.  Well, she doesn’t think we should have control over our own reproductive organs - this is the most offensive Sarah Palin thing to me.  As much as I loathe old white politicians telling me what to do with my reproductive health, it’s somehow more offensive coming from a woman.  Not to mention hypocritical.  When news broke of her teenage daughter’s pregnancy, she stated, “We’re proud of our daughter’s choice to keep her baby.”   Hey lady, your kid had a choice but you don’t want other women to have the same choice?   And before anyone smacks me for my own beliefs, this is my position - I am the mother of an adoptive mother so obviously I believe in adoption.  I was never in a position of having to contemplate an abortion, but that’s because I believe in birth control.  Yes, it is offensive to me when people use abortion as a method of birth control.  In this day and age, only a careless idiot gets pregnant other than in the situation of rape or incest.  FYI, Sarah Palin doesn’t believe victims of rape or incest should be allowed to have abortions.  But her daughter had a choice and if she gets into power, I’m sure she’ll work hard to make sure my daughter doesn’t have that same choice.

Then there’s the most egregious Sarah thing - she’s not very bright.  I’d bet that if someone put a map of the world in front of her, she couldn’t fill in the names of the countries.  Hell, I’d bet my 11 year old could whip her butt answering 10 general knowledge questions.  Haven’t we had enough stupid in the White House?  Sarah Palin said she believes the Vice President should have more power.  In fact, she thinks it’s the Constitutional duty.  Me?  I don’t think the founding fathers ever envisioned having a woman whose greatest claim to fame is the ability to field dress a moose.  Oh, yeah, and she’s a former pageant contestant.  She loves Joe six-pack  and hockey moms.  If I happened to be a hockey mom, I’d be offended.  As for Joe six-pack, I’d prefer voters not be tipsy when choosing a world leader.

So Sarah - please go back to your live in Alaska where you can kill animals for sport and oversee the miniscule population of Alaska.

I feel better now J

We have 3 DVR’s in our house.  (Digital video recorders - TiVos only not that name brand).  We have segregation.   We’d probably divorce if we had to share a DVR.  My dh’s DRV is loaded with reality programming - The Great Race, Survivor, Deadliest Catch, etc. (weird since he’d rather run naked through Manhattan than fish), Ice Road Truckers (again weird since he hates the cold) and pretty much any documentary on any of the world’s religions.  He also tapes the evening news every night - only because we are rarely home at 6:30, so he gets delayed news.  All I can say is thank heavens that crap is on the machine in his office and not taking up space on my DVR.

 

The family room DVR had things like America’s Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance; Dancing With the Stars, Deal or No Deal, American Idol and some assorted Animal Planet documentaries.  Those are my kid/dh’s shows.  While I adore Howie Mandel, I’m not interested in watching models with suitcases nor do I care who has talent, particularly when they are being introduced by Jerry Springer and judged by David Hasselhoff.  American Idol makes my skin crawl.  It’s the reality show equivalent of Saved by the Bell - is there any night that frigging show isn’t on?.  The animal stuff is just gross - mostly Animal Police (translation animal control) and pretty much a tribute to pit bulls attacking, well, everything.  Sorry to all you pit bull lovers but there’s a breed that I think should be eradicated.  But I digress.  There are a few shows on that DVR with my name on them - Antiques Roadshow and History Detectives.  I admit it, I’m amazed by the value of ugly stuff.  The uglier it is, the more it’s worth.  Granted, I have a very limited (by choice) knowledge of art but a faded paintings of kittens playing with yarn done by some obscure Dutch artist worth hundreds of thousands makes my jaw drop.  We received a painting as a wedding gift - called it Depressed Cherries - an original oil of dark cherries on a black background - we gave it to Goodwill - given the ugly-high worth system, we probably gave away a half-million in bad art.

 

My DVR had exactly three reality programs set on auto-record -  Anthony Bordain’s No Reservations, Kitchen Nightmares and Hell’s Kitchen.  Sense a theme?  All have volatile hosts.  However, I still haven’t watched last season’s Top Chef and the new season is about to start.  I tape other stuff - Law & Order (all versions), Life (stunned it was renewed). Dexter (love the gore) but I never watch stuff on its air date and often it takes me months to get to something.

 

We’ve never (in 26 years) sat down and watched television together.  My dh is a sports junkie and I’m a foreign film fan.  He can watch commercials, I can’t.  I’d rather tape something and wait to watch it until I can blow through the commercials.

 

In general, I think reality TV is a blight on the television landscape.  It’s  cheap programming to produce and obviously I’m in the minority since no one but me seems to care that on most nights, some sort of reality show is on.  American Idol probably irritates me most - voting is so skewed it reminds me of the game show hoaxes of the 1950s; followed by Survivor - sweaty dirty people willing to eat insects for a shot at a Hershey Bar. 

 

But on the positive side, I can vote with my fingers.  One click and I can erase any traces of reality and use television for its intended purpose - to deliver news, documentaries. movies and provide escapist entertainment.  The only thing worse than reality programming is an infomercial, but that’s a topic for another day.

 

Regards,

Rhonda

 

PS - go to the Babes blog www.babesinbookland.com and check out last week's info on building characters - we had fun and created a pretty interesting character!

 

Interesting observation to my last blog entry (which had nothing to do with a particular book but since someone brought it up, so let’s chat).   It brings up a serious misconception by the reading public.   Here’s what Anonymous wrote:

 

“P. 81 of Knock "em Dead"...oops...it was "When Harry Met Sally" for the deli fake thrill for Meg Ryan. (PS..I'm a professional proof reader...can't help it.)

Sunday, August 24th 2008 @ 7:37 PM

 

Let’s dispatch the ring-and-run aspect of hiding behind “Anonymous” when posting, writing, commenting, reviewing, etc.  If I have something to say,  I sign my name.  

 

On to the misconception:

 

Unless you are vanity pressed, subsidiary pressed, or writing for some of the e-publishers, authors don’t typeset our own books nor are the authors the last people to see the manuscript prior to going to press.  (Tangent - we are equally impotent when it comes to cover art, back cover copy, etc.)  Just to satisfy myself, I went back to my page proofs  for KNOCK EM DEAD and I did catch the error and corrected it.  Somewhere between me, my editor, the copy editor, the line editor and the typesetting, the correction failed to make it into the book.  Personally, stuff like a doesn’t bother me since most books have some version of a mistake or error.  

 

I don’t know when I found peace with the lack of perfection.  Somewhere during these past 15 years, I guess I just learned that weather and the final product that is my book are but two of the things over which I have zero control.   (Oh wait, at least 3 things - my daughter’s emerging hormones.  She’s getting to the point where I’m half expecting her head to spin around while she hurls pea soup.)

 

I also have no problem owning my mistakes.  In BEDSIDE MANNER, I wrote this line of dialogue:

 

“Your staying put.”

 

And just as an FYI, I do know my homonyms, it was a mistake.  Spell check obviously didn’t catch it.  I didn’t catch it when I read the manuscript prior to sending it to my editor.  My editor didn’t catch it.  I didn’t catch it in the galley stage.  The proof reader didn’t catch it.  The typesetter didn’t catch it.  The book went to press with that mistake.

 

There’s a famous story about a famous author - recently deceased.  He did a huge launch at a bookstore that opened at midnight a week early to satisfy his devoted fans in the town where the book was set.  The store sold out in a matter of hours.  The store owner went home (exhausted) with the copy she’d set aside for herself.  She settled in and began reading only to discover that after page 75, the book began again on page 1.   She skipped to the next 75 pages and realized the book went back to page 1 before beginning again.   She went to sleep that night haunted by the expectation that her store would be inundated with returns the next day.

 

I seriously doubt that the author, the editor or the publisher intended to ship a book with that kind of error.  Since famous was so famous, the publishing house retypset the book and  when it was ‘officially’ released (called the lay down date), all was right with the world.

 

Just as an aside, only 3 of the misprint books were returned to the bookstore with the midnight preview launch. 

 

Lots of things can happen to a manuscript/book along the way.  I had one in a train wreck that resulted in the book failing to reach bookstores west of the Mississippi.  There are cover horror stories - people with three hands, etc. I have a book where my name is misspelled in the author bio.  And I’m quite sure that in each and every one of my 30 books, there is some sort of error - a dangling participle?  A misplaced modifier?  A typo?  A factual mistake? A change in hair/eye color?  And one I know happens a lot of the time - the appearing, disappearing bandage.   I should probably avoid injuring my characters, that would take care of the magic bandages.  I’ve had copy editors who’ve changed something based on their own misconception - most recently it was an issue regarding DNA.  She’d watched enough CSI to think that DNA results come back within 48 minutes.  Um, no.  Did it end up in the book even though I did a STET in the page proofs?  Um, yes.  Did I let it go.  Definitely yes.

 

So for me, the bottom line is the gifts I was given by the very talented Cherry Adair and Leanne Banks.   Cherry always reminds me that there is no reason to criticize another author’s cover, typo, artwork, and/or all of the things the author has zero control of, especially something in a book that has hit the shelves.  By that point, there is nothing the author can do.  It’s like being out of town and putting on your cocktail dress, only to have someone tell you how horrible you look.  If you were at home, you could go up and change.  If you’re in a hotel, you’re stuck wearing that dress because you have no other options and every time you see your reflection, you feel horrible all over again.  Well, that’s what it feels like when someone decides to offer a critique after a book is in print.  (Please don’t confuse that with a person’s 1st Amendment right to hate the book and say so.  I have no problem with that!!!)  Leanne often reminds me that offering affirmation is the best gift we can give each other as writers.  It’s a lonely, difficult job with lots and lots of rejection. 360 days of the year, someone  teasing me about a typo won’t bother me, in fact, I’ll laugh right along with you!  But there are those 5-6 days when even the smallest slight will push me over the edge and make me all girly and tearful. 

 

BYW, Anonymous, your comment didn’t push me over the edge and this is in no way meant to be personal to you - I like that you brought up this issue.  I often forget that there’s a world out there and it takes us all time to learn the realities and nuances of the business side of publishing.

 

These are some of the new things I’ve learned since my first hardcover was released and I wandered away from the Harlequin auto-sale system (which I love, btw):

 

1. Real estate - this is when the publisher pays for front of store or end cap placement of your book;

2. A barge is one of those circular or round aisle displays;

3. Publisher’s Weekly matters;

4. Kirkus matters because hardcovers are library staples;

5. The print runs on most hardcovers has gotten smaller due to technology that allows the publishers to do additional printings quite easily - translation, print run doesn’t matter as much as it used to;

6. Pre-orders matter and publishers now pay attention to Amazon pre-orders.

 

I have tons more to learn.  But I do know one thing with absolute certainty - if I could write a book that appealed to every person out there, I’d be a very wealthy woman. 

 

Happy Writing!

Rhonda

 

PS - Thanks to Fay - flooded for 4 days -power on and off, internet on and off.  At one point my house was literally an island.  Water leeched into the garage and when I ventured out on Friday water seeped in the doors of my SUV as I ventured out to collect my daughter to and fro school.  I will never again mock a tropical storm.

No, not that kind of cone.  I’m talking hurricane cone of danger.  Not exactly what I wanted to hear this morning.  Luckily, I’m on the outer edge of the cone and the weather folks swear the computer models have it moving more up the west and central areas of Florida.  Hummm, last time they said that the hurricane didn’t listen, didn’t make the right turn out into the Atlantic and I was eating MREs for 3 weeks.

 

However, my greatest concern right now is my bud Mary Stella.  They did a mandatory evacuation of the Keys last night but only for trailer dwellers and tourists.  Folks from the Keys call themselves conchs, and often blow off Hurricane/Tropical storm warnings.  So Mary, if you have power - we’re thinking of you!

 

Tomorrow my concern will be my sister - Ft. Myers is supposed to take a hit in the morning.

 

And selfishly, I’ll have my fingers crossed that the tropical storm force winds don’t hit me.  Why?  Today the kid goes back to school and I get something that resembles uninterrupted time.  If we get TS winds, they close school - apparently school busses are so top heavy that buses can flip in 45+ MPH winds.

 

Good wishes to my buds in Miami-Dade and Broward counties.  Please take care.

 

So, like the other morons who haven’t prepared, I’ll be off to the grocery store this morning, fighting the blue-haired ladies for cases of water.  It’s only slightly less painful than root canal.

 

Regards,

Rhon

 

So let’s start with the  RWA San Fran experience.  My buds Cherry Adair, Amy Fetzer, Cindy Gerard,  Traci Hall, Mart Stella and I spent my birthday in style.  We went to Neiman’s for high tea - very posh, then our limo arrived to take us on a two hour personal tour of San Francisco.  Been there before but this was the first time I actually saw the Golden Gate bridge when it wasn’t shrouded in fog.  Then we ate at a fabulous restaurant in Sausalito.   The only down side to the whole evening was realizing we were celebrating the 20th anniversary of my 29th birthday. 

 

The conference was great - met lots of new people including my new editors and the publisher of Simon & Schuster.  I think I came back 10 pounds heavier.  I’m too afraid to step on the scale at this point.  Our workshops seemed to go over well.  I think The Little Pink Clubhouse summed up the Pitch workshop much better than I could have done myself, so here’s a link:

 

http://strategerie.wordpress.com/category/rwa-national-conference/  Please note I’m hiding behind the dais so I wouldn’t be in the photo - I always look like a corpse in pictures.

 

The other workshop I gave was successful only because my buds Amy Fetzer & Traci Hall jumped in to help since Leanne Banks couldn’t make the conference because of a death in her family.  It was on brainstorming and interactive, so 6 people who thought outside the box walked away with autographed books and the person voted most creative by the group was presented with the Leanne crystal bracelet (it would have been given away at the literacy signing but then we thought it would be better to present it to someone who participated in the workshop).  Since we ran over and we had the bar slot (4:30 - 5:30 - when people would rather drink that take a workshop), we decided that we must have been doing something right.

 

Lots of great socializing, much of it done around the astray at the end of the Marriott’s semi-circle driveway.  Okay, I smoke.  I’m okay with not smoking in my room - happy to be sent outside in the frigid 40+ degree weather so I don’t offend anyone.  I didn’t even mind that most of the time, I was breathing in bus or van exhaust.  I honestly don’t have a problem being shunned.  I don’t smoke in my house - never have - and I only smoke in my car, not my hubby’s or friends.  Here’s what I do mind.  I’m paying nearly $300.00 per night and when I went to the smoking area, without fail, some drunk or drugged, smelly and rude homeless person would accost me for money or cigarettes.  By accost I mean,  back me up to the building - completely violating my personal space.  If you didn’t give them something, they would not go away.  When one foil hat wearer grabbed my arm, I came down hard on his instep.  Now, call me nuts, but if I’m standing on Marriott property, paying Marriott rates, surely they have some responsibility to keep the area free of physical threats.  Remember, this is the hotel that as I checked in, handed me a map of the city with the ‘safe’ areas outlined in yellow highlighter.  It reminded me of New York in the late 70s-early 80s - accosted constantly.  You couldn’t walk 3 feet on any street without some skuzzy person blocking your way.  I’m married to a New Yorker and I’m no shrinking violet when it comes to telling people to kiss off, but San Fran homeless obviously attend obnoxious invasion classes.

 

This became more ironic to me when I went into a bar and there were 5 warning labels in the windows - drinking can cause birth defects.  Undercooked or raw food can be harmless to your health.  Our products may contain nuts and or nut oils.  Intoxication is dangerous and individuals can be charged with a misdemeanor for public drunkenness.  And my personal favorite - right next to the picture if a cigarette in a red circle with a line through it was a sign that read, “chemicals used to clean the carpet have been identified as carcinogens.”

 

Oh, and it’s also one of those cities that’s banning trans-fat.  Soon they’ll decide wearing a thong has health ramifications.  So, I think I can say with relative certainty that San Fran will never be my hometown.  I didn’t leave my heart in San Fran, I left a spray bottle of Clorox Hard Surface.

 

Have a great day!

Rhonda (and yes, 2 weeks have past and I haven’t unpacked and am really not interested tackling that chore.0

 

PS - The kid starts middle school on Monday - I’ll have a life again!

 

Hi All . . .

 

Okay, after an über long break, I’m blogging here as well as Babesinbookland.com.  But I would be remiss if didn’t start off with what the Babes are doing in San Francisco.  We made bingo cards (available in the goodie room or from Amy Fetzer, Rhonda Pollero, Traci Hall or Karen Kendall).  What are you playing for????   Well. Babe Amy Fetzer also makes stunning jewelry and she’s made bracelets in each of the Babes colors.  How do you play?  Ask any Babe - Rhonda, Traci, Amy, or Karen (And if you see Mary Stella - she can help you too J) and the first one in each color to get BINGO wins.

 

Now, on a sadder note, our hearts and prayers go out to Babe Leanne who will not be at the conference because her beloved father passed away yesterday.   So here’s a hint . . . want to know Leanne stuff?  Ask Traci or Rhonda or any of the other babes.  (Want to know a secret?  Super talented Cindy Gerard knows a lot about Leanne!)  And hats off to Babe Traci for compiling questions and to Babe Amy for making the stunning jewelry - stop by the literacy signing and find a Babe - you can see the jewels for yourself!!!!

 

Amy, Traci and Rhonda will be presenting the workshop - Got Problems, We’ve got Solutions  (Amy and Traci were kind enough to agree to jump in because Leanne couldn’t make it.)  Want to know if one of the bracelets is still up for grabs?  Find a Babe and ask.

 

On to fun stuff - I’ll be blogging Nationals and if you think that will be without heavy doses of sarcasm, boy are you mistaken.  Half the fun of going to Nationals is cringing when you say the wrong thing to an editor or agent - I once said something snotty about my agent not knowing she was in the bathroom stall next to me. Oppssss!  And apologies ahead of time but if you’re dumb enough to get drunk at a business event, I think you’re fair game.  I’d do the same to myself, btw. 

 

So here’s what’s in store:

 

Finley is going to Nationals for the first time.  I can’t wait to see how folks react to the first 2 Finley Anderson Tanner novels.

I’m doing 2 workshops (with my agent, Cherry Adair, Amy Fetzer and Traci Hall)

I’m going to the St, Martin’s party, the Harlequin Party, the Pocket Dinner, The Maria Carvainis Dinner and then have additional meals with my editors and agent.  So yes, I’m talking fat chick clothes. 

 

Always good for a laugh - Amy Fetzer is my roomie, so I’m sure there will be much laughing and frivolity.

 

The trip has already gotten off to a ‘Bite me!” start.  I’m leaving in a few hours and yesterday (less than 24 hours pre-flight)  AirTran cancelled my return flight and put me on a flight leaving San Fran a day later.  Um, unless they’re paying for the room, no.  As in Hell No!  So after losing 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back, AirTran has me on a Sunday Night red eye.  In exchange I’m bumped to Business Class, but still, this blows.

 

So remember these sacred words travelers in case a hotel/airline/taxi/whatever tries to change the rules on you . . . “What else can you do for me?”  Don’t walk away without some sort of compensation - even if it is just a week of free in room wireless access.

 

Happy Trails!

Rhonda